Preparing For Another Baby After Loss

by Charlotte Zealey

Today I am going to share with you a bit of a story. It is one which I have not shared previously on my blog either. As you may know, we already have a beautiful daughter Jess who is 4 in September. Last year we found out we were expecting again, to be truthful it was not at a good time for us. I had just finished university and we were in the process of moving house.

However, one night I knew something was not right I was in a lot of pain in my lower back and started to experience bleeding. We actually had an appointment the next day so I tried to sleep and not worry. The next day we found out that we were actually going through a missed miscarriage. We should have been 12 weeks, however; the baby had sadly passed away at 9 weeks. I felt numb, sad and also guilty. I had known it has not been the right time for us however, I did not wish to lose the baby. We actually were booked in for a medically managed miscarriage in a few days' time. I remember the date was the 5th of June 2018. We had to stay in the hospital for 6 hours after the tablets had been administered. I had not expected to be in so much pain however, it was not a nice experience at all. That day I also got my dissertation result meaning I could work out my overall university grade.

Since having the miscarriage last year, I have been scared about it occurring again. I know this is something which scared Joe as well. I actually lost 1/4th of my blood during a postpartum haemorrhage with Jess. Of course, this did result in me not having a good time. Apparently, I actually passed out and my mum thought she was going to lose me. Of course, the miscarriage ended in the last pregnancy. I was scared that something was going to go wrong with this which is never good. As a result, we did a few things different this time around. I am going to share them with you this now.

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The first thing we did was not tell anyone about our pregnancy unto we had our 12-week scan. I wanted to make sure that there was nothing wrong with the baby and that there was a heartbeat. To be honest we did not even tell our close family. As I do not think we would have been able to tell them if anything had gone wrong this time. We did manage to tell them shortly after our 12-week scan.

We did not want to speak about the baby much either. We actually came with a name for the baby a code word almost this has become player 4. It felt safer than actually getting attached to the baby and finding out that we would not have a small baby in our arms in January. Sometimes this is a name which we still use now I am sure this could become a long-time nickname for the baby.

I did not allow us to purchase anything for the baby either. I did not want to get my hopes up and look at baby stuff because I knew that I would want to purchase things. It would have broken me I think which is not something which we wanted to happen. I avoided baby things as much as I could even YouTubers who had recently had a baby or who were pregnant.

Even now in the second trimester, after seeing the baby on the scan. I am convinced that there is going to be something wrong. I think I am not going to feel comfortable till the baby is here safely in our arms. There is always going to be a worry and this is not something which we can get away from. I believe that our angel baby is looking after the rainbow one until we actually get them in our arms.

If any of you have had a baby after loss how did you cope? Did you do things differently?

Charlotte xx


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Written by

Charlotte Zealey

Blogger
Hi I am Charlotte a 20 something year old Mum to 3 Year Old Jess. We are based in West Yorkshire. We are an armed forces family which means that there is periods of time when Dad is away. This has mean me and Jess have become so close. I blog over at www.cupsofcharlotte.co.uk where we share a wide range of different content from reviews of days out and products which we are loving. We also share tips and tricks. We have shared everything from swapping third year university for a 3 week old baby, to how to complete your degree with a toddler. I share our journey as we continue to bring up Jess. We would love it if you would join us on our journey.

Articles on YourBabyClub.co.uk are a mixture of informative pieces, anecdotal accounts and professional advice from our panel of Bloggers, Writers and Experts. The views and opinions expressed in these articles are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official view of Your Baby Club UK

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